Every year since separation Narcissus has had the children Christmas eve to Christmas at lunch and Jonquil has had the children for Christmas dinner. Last year, the children specifically asked to switch that for this year. That was before the shit hit the fan but since it is pretty normal for divorced families to alternate holidays it seemed like a good idea. Jonquil put it in his court papers, Narcissus copied his language and put it in her papers and eventually there was an email exchange that ended with Narcissus saying "I guess. I personally think that they should have a say in it as well since it's their holidays as well."
Following court, Narcissus handed Jonquil a doozy of a document that was apparently written by Lilybelle. One of the things she put in there is that she doesn't want a change to the holiday schedule because she has always spent Christmas eve with her mom.
Given the fall out since September and Lilybelle's increasing absence from our home, I really don't think she is going to come for Christmas eve. Dear lord, I hope I am wrong but that is what my gut is telling me.
Jonquil and I saw Dr. A tonight and she is a little concerned about how a decision like that by Lilybelle might play out for everyone involved. She has suggested that Jonquil write to Narcissus to open some lines of communication and ask for her support in the holiday schedule.
Warning bells were going off in my head, red lights spinning and sirens blaring screaming "DON'T DO IT!!!!" An email like that is going to give Narcissus the perfect opportunity to open up a new shit storm of nastiness on Jonquil. This completely violates low contact and everything that we have been attempting to do for months to shield ourselves from Narcissus' barrage of negativity. Wow, was it ever hard to silence the wailing cries of the brain cells that will die when I try to read the response that I know is coming.
Of course I am being melodramatic. Don't spoil all my fun.
When we got home, Jonquil and I sat down and tried to remember the suggestions Dr. A had made for the email and wrote it together. It has been sent.
I am heading down to the nuclear fall-out shelter if anyone is looking for me.
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Dr. A must be accustomed to dealing with rational humans. I hope her response is civil, but I don't blame you for taking shelter just in case.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I remind my partner that the person he was married to was Reasonable Wife, but reasonable wife doesn't exist anymore.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, it doesn't actually sound like you are being especially melodramatic here. I'd be frightened too, based on the responses of my stepboys' mum to 'communications' of this kind.
Still, it's gotta be done. Bring on Boxing Day!
Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to take your food stash with you to the fall out shelter!
I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
I am fairly certain that Dr. A knows exactly how irrational Narcissus can be, Dr. A has had the joy of reading through several emails. The reasoning for sending the email is sound and there was no doubt from anyone that the response would be less than helpful.
ReplyDeleteStepmum, I hear you! Boxing day can't come soon enough. I am absolutely dreading the holidays this year and have not yet found my Christmas spirit, not even a little bit.
My question is, if its a court order, then why arent the kids brought there?
ReplyDeleteThats what had to happen when my dad's kids decided, with help, that they didnt want to come anymore, at the tender age of under 10~ The mother had to follow the court ordered visitation!
I just hope that when its finally my turn to be labeled the bio-mom, i get a stepmom for my child like the ones ive been reading here.
It isn't a court order, at least not the part about the holidays. Jonquil started a court action against Narcissus almost a year ago and hopefully everything will be a court order later. But, Lilybelle is almost 15 years old now and Narcissus has told Lilybelle that the decision is Lilybelle's to make - come or not, no one can force her. Even if we have a court order I doubt Narcissus will follow it. I strongly believe she suffers from borderline personality disorder (and that is my personal opinion as an armchair psychiatrist ;) I have no professional opinion to back that up.) and like a true borderline, rules don't apply to her.
ReplyDeleteAhh thats where i misunderstood. I hope she makes the right decision.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I hate to say it, if Lilybelle doesn't want to be there, maybe you shouldn't force it, because she will probably just go out of her way to try and ruin Christmas Eve and morning for everyone around her.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya sista. I am going through similar issues, only it's bio-mom who wants the kids over the holidays. She voluntarily moved 12 hours away with her boyfriend and other 3 children. We have unofficial custody and when the kids couldn't see their mom because of H1N1 (young girl had it)when she came to visit in November, she invited them for Xmas without asking us. How do we say no to that? I'm pissed that bio-mom mucks up the kid's lives, making OUR lives difficult, so when we try to regroup as a family (over like, oh, Christmas maybe) she decides that SHE misses the kids (and they want to see her). It frustrates me to no end. (Sorry for the rant).
ReplyDeleteCurious to read Narcissus' reply....